Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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