after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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