my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
