That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
did i walk over a car last night?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
