Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
