On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
