I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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