Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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