Walk of Shame. In a state park.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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