If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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