Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize