He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
