They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
These tits shall not be calmed
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
