they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
