I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
