I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
