All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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