i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
