I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
