Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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