dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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