Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
