You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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