Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
