Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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