My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
