as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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