And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
