My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
