Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
