I want to have your abortion
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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