how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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