funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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