I'm jealous of your bromance
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
