Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
