it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.