I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
