you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
sex in a hospital.. check
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
