Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
