what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
