Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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