You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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