I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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