apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
