Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
