I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
