R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize