i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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