white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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