i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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