I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you had me at cake vodka
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize