i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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