I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
