at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
