I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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