Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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