I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
