When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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