Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
