It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
