No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
