Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize